“You can tell your best friend you’re dying of cancer, but who can you tell that you’re impotent?”
Auerbach, Newport Beach urologist.
Erection and sexual performance are central to men’s identities and their sense of masculinity. Although it’s a treatable medical condition, the stigma and shame of ED prevent them from talking to their partners and seeking help.
ED carries a heavy emotional burden for both partners. So, before answering the question, would you marry a man with erectile dysfunction? Both partners should understand the effect of ED and how to navigate its treatment.
What Is Erectile Dysfunction? And how common is it?
In order to answer the question, would you marry a man with erectile dysfunction? We must first understand what ED is and how it can impact your relationship.
What is ED – Erectile Dysfunction is a condition where a man can not get or keep an erection firm enough for sexual activity. Occasional difficulty is common; however, if the performance issues are consistent and persistent, it is diagnosed as ED.
Prevalence of ED – Studies have shown that in the US, 18 to 30% men are affected by ED. One in four men will experience ED at some point in their lives. It is more prevalent in men over 50. While 1.3% of men have severe ED, 15.3% men have moderate ED.
Why does ED happen? Medical and Psychological Causes
- Medical causes – Conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, smoking, or heavy alcohol use that can impair blood flow and nerve signals. Some medications can also cause ED as a side effect.
- Psychological causes – Stress, anxiety, depression, performance anxiety, or sexual guilt can contribute to ED.
How ED Can Impact a Relationship?
ED interrupts sexual pleasure and creates a hollowness and frustration in the relationships. Men with ED feel less masculine, depressed, socially isolated, and lacking confidence. The women feel rejected, anxious, undesirable, and suspicious about their partner.
These emotions can make the partners withdraw from each other, and if unaddressed, they can poison all aspects of the relationship.
Awful Impact of Erectile Dysfunction
Mish Middleman developed ED in his 40s following prostate cancer treatment. ED disrupted not only his sex life but also his identity and marital connection. He describes ED as the stench in the air – not spoken about, but always present and disrupting all aspects of his life.
As his physical experience became gradually degraded, he tried to compensate and try harder – but eventually, the ED became undeniable.
Along with physical pleasure, he also lost hope, and the foundation of his relationship became fragile. Although he was loving and committed, he feared physical closeness and began to withdraw.
Should You Marry a Man With ED? Key Considerations
Here are the key considerations that help you answer the question: Would you marry a man with erectile dysfunction?
- Open Communication – Have open and honest conversations early in the relationship about building a relationship while managing ED.
- Support and Understanding – Reassuring your partner about your support can alleviate the anxiety around ED and make the treatment easier.
- Focus on Intimacy – Alternative sexual activities that do not require penetration can help to build intimacy even without sex.
- Emotional Well-being: The frustration and shame of ED can have consequences on the mental health of both partners. Be prepared to address the emotional challenges.
- Relationship Counseling: Couples counseling can help you manage emotionally charged situations and find ways to communicate constructively.
- Individual vs. Relationship Issue – ED is a health issue that has to be tackled together. So the partner should take an active role in treatment.
- Red flags: If the husband tries to hide the ED rather than working to resolve it, or names the wife, then it indicates deeper relationship issues other than ED.
Steps to Take
If you have answered yes to the question, would you marry a man with erectile dysfunction? Here are the next practical steps –
- Decision framework: Marry the person, not the condition. Give due consideration to whether you can work with your partner on their ED, but focus on the overall qualities and personality of the partner.
- Educate Yourself: Learn about the causes of ED and how it affects your partner. Accompany him to the appointments and find reliable sources of information. Having clarity about ED and treatment options can relieve anxiety.
- Encourage a Healthy Lifestyle – Exercising regularly, eating a nutritious diet, and stopping smoking can all contribute to treating ED. If both partners adopt these healthy habits, it will feel like teamwork.
- Explore Medical Treatment – More than 70% of men respond well to oral medications for ED, such as Viagra and Cialis. Additionally, vacuum devices, implants, and injections can be used for ED treatment.
- Maintain a Positive Mindset – Working as a team to recover from erectile dysfunction can improve the communication between couples and help them get closer. Counselors often note reduced stress in couples who speak openly about ED.
How A Couple in 50s Rebuilt Their Relationship After ED
A couple had enjoyed spontaneous, adventurous, and fulfilling intimacy. However, in their mid-50s, the husband began to have difficulties when his erections became unreliable and often faded during intimacy.
The wife felt unattractive and rejected. The husband felt ashamed and defensive. His frustration made him suggest to his wife that ‘she should get a lover’ during a heated argument.
Fortunately, the couple was able to move beyond these initial arguments and had honest conversations. The wife was particularly worried that health issues might cause ED, and its effects were not limited to sexual performance.
With counseling, medical support, and alternative expressions of intimacy, the couple overcame ED. They developed better emotional intimacy, and their sex lives also became exciting again.
Exploring Alternative Intimacy
If a person is married to a man with erectile dysfunction, then focusing on alternative intimacy helps to ease the anxiety of sexual performance. These other forms of intimacy help the couple to stay emotionally connected.
- Touching and affection – Non-sexual expressions such as kissing, cuddling, holding hands, and hugging can convey romantic interest.
- Sensual activities – Mutual masturbation, oral sex, and massage help the partners connect sexually.
- Emotional intimacy and bonding – Romantic dates and doing hobbies or traveling together help couples to improve communication and build a stronger bond.
How can BlockP help you?
If porn is playing a role in your ED, then having a porn blocker such as BlockP can become an important part of your recovery.
BlockP is the best adult content blocker trusted by millions of users to secure their digital devices from porn. In ED treatment, it can help you quit porn addiction and prevent relapses.
- Prevent accidental exposure – BlockP’s AI tools detect and block all nudity and explicit content at the network level. It blocks explicit content in real-time, so you are safe from accidental exposure that can trigger a relapse.
- Accountability – You can add your spouse as the accountability partner and entrust them with the password that prevents uninstalling BlockP. They will also get a notification if you try to access porn, and they can intervene.
- Managing urges – The focus mode of BlockP restricts notifications from distracting Apps and also gives you meditation prompts to keep you focused on recovery.
- Community Support – Both the individual with ED and their spouse can find practical tips, support, and mentorship on the online support community of BlockP.
FAQs on whether you would marry a man with erectile dysfunction
1. Should I marry a man with erectile dysfunction?
Many couples marry and lead healthy sex lives with treatment. As long as both of you are committed to facing the challenges of ED together, you can make the marriage work.
2. Can a marriage survive erectile dysfunction?
Yes. The couple who love and respect each other can overcome ED with treatment support and alternative intimacy options to have successful marriages.
3. Is erectile dysfunction a reason to avoid marriage?
Not necessarily. Erectile dysfunction is a treatable medical condition. If someone is in love with a person and willing to support them through ED treatment, it should not be an issue.
4. Can erectile dysfunction cause relationship problems?
Yes. If untreated, the man with ED can feel guilty and anxious. His partner will feel rejection, frustration, and resentment. These feelings can strain the relationship.
